Leaders don’t have to go it alone. Discover how asking for help fuels growth, builds resilience, and strengthens connection in leadership.
Stop Being So (Lovingly) Selfish

Things weren’t going well. I was drowning in deadlines, my shoulders scrunched so tight they practically touched my ears, and I thought if I just worked harder, I could shield everyone else from the stress. But the truth was written all over me — in my tense voice, in my body language, in the weight I carried. I wasn’t fooling anyone.

I’m a helper. I’m the one others turn to. That’s what leadership often looks like. But here’s the catch: it gets lonely. Somewhere along the way, we convince ourselves we have to have all the answers — to everything, including world peace. And in doing so, we close off. We work harder, take on too much, and lose sight of what’s truly important. (I’ve written about that before — check out this blog post if you missed it.)

Sound familiar?

Is this you?

If so, I’m going to say something you might not like: Stop being so selfish.

Here’s the reframe:

Accepting help isn’t weakness — it’s generosity. When you let someone help you, you’re actually giving them a gift. You’re allowing them to experience the same joy, meaning, and energy you feel when you’re the one doing the helping. You don’t just lighten your load — you lift them too.

Here’s what happens when we help others:
  • Endorphins – that runner’s high without the sneakers
  • Oxytocin – the hug hormone, deepening trust and connection
  • Dopamine – the spark of joy we feel when giving more than getting
  • Serotonin – the mood stabilizer that quiets anxiety and lifts us up
  • Cortisol reduction – helps suppress stress hormones

And that’s just the brain chemistry. Helping also brings physical benefits: lower blood pressure, a stronger immune system, even a longer life.

On top of that, there are powerful psychological and social dividends: more meaning and purpose, a boost in self-esteem, greater happiness, deeper connections, and the gift of perspective.

So basically, when you don’t let someone help you, you’re…
  • Stealing their natural high
  • Shortening their life
  • Raising their blood pressure
  • Blocking their sense of purpose
  • And pushing them toward isolation

Dramatic? Sure. But true enough to make the point.

I learned this firsthand. When I finally stepped back and admitted I couldn’t do it all alone, I was floored by the generosity of my network. Their willingness to step in and support me didn’t just lighten my load, it felt life-giving.

So here’s my invitation:

Let someone help you. Ask for help. Not only does it strengthen you, it strengthens them. That’s the powerful reframe: helping isn’t a one-way street. Everyone wins. It’s a cycle that keeps the giver and the receiver standing taller, stronger, and more connected.

Because, as a leadership coach guiding women through the gnarliest, messiest moments, I know this: Awareness begins when you notice you’re shutting others out. Willingness is the courage to let them in. And Energy shifts when you remember — thriving isn’t about proving you can do it alone. It’s about creating the space where everyone gets to rise.

If you’re ready for a partner, I’m here. Schedule time to connect.

And remember: You are the most worthwhile project you will ever work on.