I’m a human being, and yet I know many times I showed up as a human doing, and still do sometimes.
Doing mode prevents us from being able to focus on the most important things because we are too busy scoring points checking the little things off the list. They may add up and give us a false sense of accomplishment but we fail to prioritize what really needs our attention.
We also miss a lot. Doing mode keeps us from being in the moment and sends us on a beeline for THE solution before we’ve taken time to really explore it from every angle. We never get to discover if there was a better way to approach our challenge.
In doing mode, we are so focused on getting “it” done that we can’t see the impact it’s having on everyone around us. I know this mode well, as do some of the people who have worked for and with me. They felt my impatience and interference in finding the answer quickly rather than letting them learn and grow. There was no real danger in creating space for discovery. We weren’t heart surgeons.
Messy seasons are particularly good at triggering doing mode. We start to question whether we even have permission to just be. We hop on the hamster wheel with no relief and no progress in sight.
This pattern shows up across nearly every messy season I coach people through. If you haven’t named yours yet, the Messy Middle Archetype Assessment™ takes about 15 minutes and is a good place to start.
Here’s the kicker: when we make space for being mode, we actually become more productive, not less. We give ourselves the chance to widen the lens and take stock of what’s really eating up our life.
Some of you are already thinking, “I can’t possibly stop moving, or everything will break, professionally and personally.” What actually breaks us is never stepping into being mode because all that doing takes its toll: physically, mentally, emotionally, socially.
How many of you conveniently get sick the day your vacation starts, then spend the whole time in bed recovering?
That was my pattern for years. The week between Christmas and New Year’s, when I was supposed to get all this quality time with my family, would be a bust. And don’t get me started on the time I was diagnosed with shingles at 34 (which, for the record, isn’t a thing).
It takes something to shift into being mode, and you won’t always stay there. But given this one big, beautiful life, I encourage you to think now about the things you don’t need to do, and create space for being.
This exact tension, doing versus being, is at the heart of my conversation with Fran Hauser on Thriving in the Messy Middle, available now. Her new book, Twenty Minutes Is the New Hour, launched Tuesday, and we talk about the sneaky ways we let our time get eaten (perfectionism, people-pleasing, procrastination, and padding) and how she learned to trust the moments that don’t fit neatly into a schedule. Give yourself both this week: Listen to Reclaiming Your Day: Why 20 Minutes is the New Hour and order Fran’s book.
So grateful to be connected with you,
Amy P Wilkins, PCC, CPCC, CPQC
The Messy Middle Coach
