That story I was telling myself was about to take me out!
I had arrived at some conclusions about my colleagues, and I’d built a narrative that was so disempowering it was staggering. I had decided that I didn’t fit in. Now, I have been places where that was absolutely true, but in this case, that decision alone is what made any shift impossible.
Then my coach asked me: What’s really happening? Not the extras or the “story,” just what’s really happening. It’s fascinating how fast that “story” loses its juice when it’s not wrapped in the extra. I never thought of myself as someone who embraced drama; even to this day that doesn’t feel like me. But here, I was definitely leaning into dramatics to frame the situation as untenable. I had decided things would never change, and that was that.
There’s a huge difference between storytelling and story-making, and it’s important not to mix them up. Storytelling is designed to bring something to life while story-making adds subjectivity, and even details that often aren’t even there.
All that story-making was keeping me solidly stuck in one of the six Messy Middle Archetypes I call Quietly Burning Out. I was isolated and isolating. There’s a resignation that takes hold in this archetype, and that resignation turns to exhaustion and resentment. Left unchecked, it seeps out into our relationships with colleagues, the teams we lead, even our personal life.
When the story we made up is our truth, there’s no path forward. There’s only more exhaustion, anger, and resentment.
When I asked myself what was really happening, I began to see things much more clearly. I was not cultivating relationships with other leaders in a way that would have supported everyone involved — them, me, and my team. That meant meeting them where they were, not expecting them to meet me over here. I identified two immediate actions I could take, and I put them in play. Those two small steps opened up an entirely new possibility for how I could thrive in what had felt like a gnarly, messy situation.
The year after, my team was named Sales Team of the Year by leadership at the company. Not because the situation around me changed — because I did.
Now, I want to be clear about something. Sometimes what’s happening is flat-out messy and not working. You could be in a toxic work environment (I have been) where your introspective work leads you to conclude that the place isn’t a fit. Regardless of the outcome of your deep exploration, consider working this out with someone else — a mentor, a coach, someone who can support objectively. .
If Quietly Burning Out sounds familiar, if you recognize yourself in the isolation, the resignation, the slow leak into every part of your life — it’s worth understanding which archetype you’re operating from and what it’s costing you. Take the free Messy Middle Archetype Assessment™ to help you name your season.
I’m not the only one who’s had to rewrite the story I was telling myself. When storytelling is used effectively, it doesn’t just get you unstuck; it can reshape how you show up in every part of your life.
And, on this week’s episode of Thriving in the Messy Middle, my guest Laura Nespoli, a strategic storytelling advisor, shares a deeply personal season in her life and the role storytelling played in transforming limiting beliefs and barrier stories into empowering narratives that helped her embrace change and growth. If you are ready to shift your narrative, or if you’d love to know how, this episode is for you — How Storytelling Transforms Your Personal and Professional Life.