At some point in my career, I stopped dreading my messy moments.
And it’s not because the moments themselves got easier. In fact, each one has looked completely different from the last, including a layoff that took me by surprise, a promotion that terrified me more than the layoff did, and a time when I was succeeding on paper and falling apart everywhere else. What does get easier is knowing what to do with them when they do show up.
Here’s the thing I’ve come to believe: if you’re choosing a big life, messy moments are going to happen; more than once. You don’t get to take the big swings and stretch toward something bigger without the mess that comes from actually playing the game.
And, if you’ve been hovering on the sideline, you may still hit a mess; you just won’t benefit from the exponential growth that comes from getting in the game. The ones in the arena, on the court or field, whichever metaphor inspires you, are the ones who experience the most growth.
Doesn’t that make you want to get in the game?
The value of moving through a messy season isn’t that you memorize the steps for next time because they all look different. It’s that you build the muscle memory of having moved through it at all. You learn that you can. You come through it with new strength, clarity, and new inspired actions you didn’t have going in. Growth that likely wouldn’t have been possible at all without the messy season, and that IS something to celebrate.
What all these seasons do have in common is that they are always better navigated with support. Not alone, white-knuckling it and pretending you have it figured out, but with someone in your corner. I learned this lesson early, and it served me well when messy seasons popped up again. Partnering with a mentor, my tribe, or a coach prevented me from lingering in the suffering and helped me to shift into thriving mode faster than I would have on my own.
That belief is exactly why I created the Messy Middle Archetype Assessment™. Over years of coaching women leaders and in my own life, I kept seeing the same six patterns show up again and again. Six ways tension tends to show up:
The Juggler — feeling like everything on your plate is a main dish and you’re no longer able to distinguish what is most important.
The Quietly Burning Out — still showing up, still delivering, while operating on fumes.
The Dreamer — carrying a vision for something more, but prioritizing everything and everyone else because someday/one day you’ll pursue your dream.
The Restless Achiever — hitting every goal and yet wondering what is preventing you from reaching that next level of growth you crave.
The Rising Leader — stepping into more responsibility and more visibility, and feeling unprepared.
The Seeker — recognizing a shift is or has come and not knowing which direction to pursue.
Note: These archetypes aren’t a fixed construct, so you may see yourself in more than one, and often one of them is driving the discomfort. If you can relate to any, take the free Messy Middle Archetype Assessment™ to find out. Naming the season is the start of acknowledging the messy that makes a path to growth and clarity possible.
What feels messy right now?